October's Passionale closed with the provocative inquiry concerning how we live our Authentic Self with other people; how do we not seem too ____ when we are being our Authentic Self$%: Hmmm...We know that following our passions, honoring our values, acknowledging and using our precious talents and skills- the key four components of living your Authentic Self--might be easier if we lived like hermits, not having to deal with anyone else, their issues and opinions. But this worldview is obviously unrealistic. So, how do we come to terms with being our Authentic Self with others$%:
Think for a moment about the exciting, cool woman you know who seems like she can do anything, be anything. She seems to be truly living her Authentic Self and you find yourself wanting to be her friend. Her style isn't one that everyone would be attracted to, however. Would others consider her over-the-top or arrogant$%: Possibly yes. But you think she is fabulous. She's gorgeous and ALIVE. But does she alienate some people because her living her Authentic Self style doesn't suit everyone$%: You bet. Does she let it stop her$%: Not likely.
When we live our Authentic Self, we must accept that we won't be likeable to everyone. This can be difficult to grasp. We want to be everyone's friend. How can someone not like us$%:! Women are relationship builders; we cultivate friendships and build webs of inclusion, not exclusion. But when we consider this dilemma rationally, the answer is obvious. We simply cannot be liked by the world. It's just not possible. And frankly, it's unattractive. Do we really want to attempt to be all things to all people$%: Maintaining a vanilla attitude with lukewarm water running through our veins instead of red-hot personality$%: Yecch. I'm not interested in hanging out with juiceless people-pleasers. It is more satisfying to be with people who actually have an opinion rather than the person who weighs her thoughts based on the company she's with.
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Living your Authentic Self is like being an office manager. Out of necessity, the office manager maintains relationships with many people who may not like her distinct style. She doesn't need their approval to do her job. If the folks that she works with are disturbed by her style, she must come to terms with the fact that they might not like her. This is also true of Authentic Living. You have a life to lead--with only your own behavior under your control--and if some folks are upset by you living your Authentic Self, then they will choose people whose manner more suits their own. In the big picture, this won't really be a loss for you. It is never helpful to someone living their Authentic Self (or to their self-esteem) to be surrounded by people who aren't supportive.
When choosing those supportive folks remember that family is not the best support team; they are too emotionally tied to us. Family often cannot champion our success or share challenges without translating how our words or actions affect them.
Strong support team people-
1. Never ask you to compromise your Authentic Self for them for any reason.
2. Listen to you without judging.
3. Let you fall apart when you need to and don't run away.
4. Remind you of your strengths and talents.
5. Offer you absolute love and support.
If you don't have such a support team, could it be because you aren't showing your Authentic Self to others$%: No one really expects you to have all the answers or be 'on' 24/7. Showing your Authentic Self means sharing all parts of you. Are you giving your Authentic Self a chance to emerge or are you locking her away because you're afraid of what people will think$%: Authentic shines and attracts like glitter. Ordinary blends into a room like beige wall-to-wall carpet. Are you glitter or beige carpet$%:
The growth of our Authentic Self depends on many factors. One of those key factors is our ability to Live Authentically regardless of the company around you. We cannot be afraid to show our Authentic self publicly to the world. Yes, some people will fall away. But the right people will stick around, become a valued support team and admire your glittery trail.
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